Days just go by if we don’t intentionally care how it goes by! We may be completely running ourselves on autopilot and the results may not be what we intended to achieve.
I am an ordinary person but in silent conversation with myself, I feel I am extraordinary. There is a voice within me that says I have never let my best self come up and I have never been my best yet. The voice says one day I will do extraordinary work, I will sit silently at my table, engrossed in some wonderful work, and would be enjoying this masterpiece that I am destined to create. There would be admiration all around!
I have been visualizing this for at least a couple of decades. I am now 37. I recently went through a scary health issue and suffered a very rare mysterious disease. My survival chances were fifty percent. This is the moment I realized that life could be very short and I don’t want to die with my dreams in my eyes.
One day never comes and I realize it fully more than ever now. Long life is a precious gift, and good health is a blessing. Our time on earth is limited and our energy level may not remain the same in all decades of our life. One can’t waste the prime of their life living unconsciously.
I can’t be mindlessly surfing my mobile, reading random news, and clicking random videos for hours and hours and hours without realization. I do expect some standard from myself and I won’t let myself feel bad about this situation.
Now, what is that I really want to be doing is the question I am asking. I have a good job that will keep me busy and my daughter is growing fast. Talking, teaching, and playing with her are all precious memories and time I am creating for both of us.
But what is that I want to be doing with my life. This scary health incident of my life taught me to keep life simple, that world wakes and sleeps at the same time no matter whether you post your update on social media or not. I mean life is all about walking alone and no one really cares whether you exist or not. You can’t base your life thinking on what everyone else thinks!
It's our life, our only one life and only conscious time. It's extremely precious and it's crime to waste on things that do not matter. I was an ardent social media person, posting regularly on FB, LinkedIn, and WhatsApp status. I was wearing the hat of an influencer but for what? I thought someone must be watching silently and showering praise, seriously ??
I have controlled my urge to post little joys of life and I want to move beyond seeking external validations. Honestly, when I see other people posting like I used to post, I get that sense that there is a sense of unfulfillment and incompleteness that is making me or other people post stuff like I used to.
Maybe I am seeking more praise from social media which is a major miss in my current assignment at work or my health and personal life. I realize that my wounds are much deeper than I believe they are and it needs healing.
Writing is a form of healing, it gives clarity to our minds and our thoughts. Word by word, we get to know ourselves better. I am confident, I will figure out something in this journey of self-exploration.